Afraid to be beaten

Afraid to be beaten

I’m so, so afraid to be harmed, to be beaten

I’m afraid to be invaded in the temple of my body and be denied the right to continue existing

I’m afraid of ill-intentioned people

but even more of the people strictly enforcing the rules lacking compassion or humanity

each time I slightly bend a rule, I’m terrified

as though the consequences would be much more terrible than the simple reprimand that scares me or the fine I’d have to pay

I’m afraid to see my life shattered, to be taken away from where I live, from those I love

I’m afraid to be denied the right to exist, I’m afraid of the disappointment of the persons who would caught me, of the conflict with them

I’d like to be in harmony with all people

I do not like conflict, shouting, criticism

all these emotions are so contrary to love

and yet true love teaches to trust everything, and to have faith that each person will find truth and love at the end of times

true love teaches that all things happen for a reason, a good one

true love teaches not to fear

I know I shouldn’t be afraid, and yet I have this terror sometimes gripping at me, paralyzing me

did I or you live a traumatic event in a past life, perhaps as a Jew in the Third Reich, to fear so much authorities and rules, and need to please and placate everyone around us out of fear

or is this a need even deeper, the pain to be separated from the rest of humanity, when we are born to be in harmony with all things

when we are so sensitive pain cuts deeply in our flesh, and we have no curtain or anger to shelter us, no prejudices to keep pain away

I want to be delivered of this pain, this fear

to be so trusting in life that I fear no more its circumstances

whatever happens, it will be fine, and it won’t mean the end for me, it won’t mean I don’t have the right to exist

because my soul is immortal, and even physical death cannot kill me

and surely rules and laws cannot even cast a shadow over my soul

No, I am immune to all that, whatever happens, whatever I fear happens, I will be safe and happy at the end