You’ve given me what I cannot find on myself

directions in which to walk

charcoal to fuel my writing

and now it is my turn to reciprocate

with a word, ingenuity, and a drawing


The wind has blown fiercely from the north for nights and days

rainstorms and snowstorms have fallen upon our heads

capping all the landscape in white, obscuring the atmosphere

this winter seemed to know no end

until this evening when the sky cleared

and clouds started assuming the brightest hues of white and mauve and pink and orange

contrasting with the dark violet and the gray clouds

instead of being a dull monochrome, the sky became a party, a scene

and the mountains appeared in all their glory or blues and greens and whites, towering over the lake, over everything else, telling tales of mystery and infinity

I had missed the mountains, the fresh air that isn’t too chilly


It is interesting how ingenuity can be used to mean naivety but also inventiveness

to discover new things, one’s need to be naïve

you used to be ashamed of your naivety, of your dreaminess and idealism of life

but these are your greatest gifts, for they push you toward happiness

they push you to question your surroundings, to be yourself without caring about others

to be incapable to conform

you’ve walked a long way since we first met

I saw you with the same ingenuity as the one trapped within me

And I thought our ingenuities would join to form one, to achieve our dream

that what had been considered naivety during all our life would turn out to be the greatest strength we had, that of believing in our dreams

it happened, but not in the ways I thought

and I never could understand who you were truly

when you were you and when you were me

sometimes it’s very clear that you want to be you and you set sharp boundaries

but then my heart tells otherwise, my heart tells that you want to be me despite the boundaries

you want to feel and to love with me

you focus on the shapes yet sometimes colors bewitch you

and you get lost between the pages of a book

I don’t know you at all in fact

I only know the me in you, and that one I know better than you

you are all what I am not, and yet you are all what I am

who are you then

can you see the part in me that behaves like you

or do you rather focus on the part of me that is truly me and resonates in you

but what is truly me and what is you

this part I say mine is in fact half mine and half yours

some of the things are mine and others are yours

and that’s how deeply we are entwined

some of these emotions, of this ingenuity I always thought mine are yours in fact

that is the discovery I have been making

and by staying away you are depriving me of them

you have died you say, to let me on my own and discover you in my emptiness, in the void you left

you are not this harsh person you sometimes act like

you have never been insensitive or dull or conformist

deep within you burns a flame, a flame so intense that your eyes betray yourself, even when you try to hide it

you are as much me as I am myself

but who is who and does that matter

you’ve been deprived of poetry like I’ve been deprived of stories

you are stories and I am the fuel that burns within, that carries them

for a moment the doubt has crept in my mind, does this idealized version of you I love is only the me in you I see

have I fooled myself all along, without knowing you

no, no, the real me I see within you is not the person I am right now, I still have a way to go to become that person, and you do too

The me in you I see is our higher self, who we will truly be once we will have shed all our skins

it is not me nor you, or it is both me and you


That’s what happens when I start doubting my heart with my intellect, trying to form mathematical laws of what is shifting


I’m on my way, the right way, that toward my dream

it’s still long but I’ve already covered a great distance

and I’m stronger and happier every day that passes

You were right to leave me alone, you were right to let death carry you away

you were right to trust me to make it through even when I screamed to you to stay

Thank you


But I was right also right to confront you over and over and over

to push you and push you and push you toward the hallow of your fears

at the end, I gave you the push that killed you, the push that let us start anew