Primeval fear

I’m afraid

afraid to be denied the right to exist

what happened in my past to have such a fear

I feel cramps in my stomach

when someone threatened to accuse me

to an adult person, to a professor, to the police or whatever authority

I’d freak out and want to escape, to hide, or cry if I am caught

cry for mercy and peace

in my mind authorities are programmed to catch you and deny you of your rights

in my home country that is at war sometimes

the few times I drove and was stopped at an army checkpoint I’d panic

and they’d often be more suspicious with me because they could sense my fear and thought I had something to hide

probably it comes from a former lifetime in Marseilles

I was a young revolutionary who had been caught, tortured and executed

perhaps afterward all my confidence crumbled and I shied away from conflicts and authorities


What about you my twin of truth and love and shadows

what is your fear about

are you afraid I erase your personality

I impose on you how to be because I know who you are

when you don’t know yourself fully

you feel that I’m oppressing you, depriving you of your freedom to grow as you wish

and at the same time you know that what I tell you is the truth

but you want to find it by yourself

and beyond that truth is spoiled with my insecurities


Erased personality, freedom deprivation

is that what we’re both terrified about

to what does your fear go back

did you once have an overwhelming father that wanted to shape you in his own way and prevented you from being yourself

I wonder