Shadow me

A dull sensation of not being loved

of despair

the fear never to be happy

never to find this love I’ve long sought

Each time I interact with you, with your ghost behind this wall

this fear seizes me

this despair grips me

what I’ve been waiting for will never come

you don’t want of me

you want to push push push me away

and I feel cold and miserable and alone

and nothing can warms me

except trying to punch into this wall

forcing you forcing you forcing you

to acknowledge my presence, your love for me

but that makes you flee, flee even faster and farther

because you sniff the weakness in me

because what I do is not right

and you feel oppressed by my breath, by my neediness

all this is a doubt

all this is a manifestation of the gap of knowledge in me

that gets out of grip

a lack of faith in life, in myself, in you, in love

all this is wrong

but that’s not with this mindset I will be happy and love

no, this is not love, mere neediness and aloofness

I’m sorry to have imposed this on you

to make you flee when you’d like to turn around and give me your hand

when you’re feeling the same emptiness inside

the same drenching sadness of being separated

I will be stronger

I will try to see through my shadow and not delve into it in darkness again

I will be fearless

I will find a balance between my love for you and my love for myself

never forsaking one for the other